“What Hill Are You Dying On?”

Joanne at Blessed (One So Blessed) has written an excellent post for Exemplify Online that, if you are a woman (wife or daughter), you need to read. (No longer available to read online, but keep reading here–there’s something for you!) I related to it all too well.  It is entitled: “What Hill Are You Dying On?”  In answer to that question, some of us would have to say, “Why, every hill! There are none too small!”  I find myself challenging and correcting my husband, and also my children, all too often, setting up a confrontational home environment.  The Lord has convicted me that it is pride.

Only by pride cometh contention:
but with the well advised is wisdom.
Proverbs 13:10 (KJV)

When pride cometh, then cometh shame:
but with the lowly is wisdom.
Proverbs 11:2 (KJV)
I was raised by a dad who demanded absolute respect and obedience.  Unfortunately, he had a rebellious daughter.  He said everything dogmatically. So did I.  He was prone to say, “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”  And I would be looking somewhere else thinking about what I was going to say next! Ready always to defend myself, or correct that little thing he said wrong! (In later years, he mellowed, I got saved, and we became very close!) But, in my growing-up years, if you wanted to be heard in our home, you had to speak up loudly and firmly!  So, I learned to say things as though they were the gospel truth, even when I was really unsure, or didn’t even realize I was doing it!  This habit got me into a lot of trouble in my early years of marriage.  My husband pointed this trait out to me on more than one occasion.  I am still learning not to die on every hill, and to choose my battles (another phrase that my husband likes to use).  I *think* that I have learned this lesson: that prayer is more effective than my words, and that I don’t need to say everything that comes into my mind!  These are some statements that I have thought to say to my children, and haven’t.  “You can’t go out looking like that!” “What were you thinking!”  “Surely you knew that _____”  “When did you start eating that? You don’t like that (food)!”  “You’re becoming ___, and you’d better change fast, or you’re going to _____.” But I have actually said much worse!

Now, in my own family and marriage, I see that “speaking our minds” is a characteristic which is “caught”.  Do you women and girls who are reading this know how much influence you have on the atmosphere in your home?  I have been startled, shocked, amazed and humbled when I have made an effort to change my tone, at various and sundry times, prompted by the Holy Spirit, to be more _____ (fill in the blank: cheerful, gentle, encouraging, non-complaining/grateful, praising of others), and I have felt the spirit of our home completely transformed!
Give me a meek and quiet spirit
which is beautiful in Your sight.
Amen.

Thanks for reading Faith’s Firm Foundation!

2 Replies to ““What Hill Are You Dying On?””

  1. Choosing my battles is something I stumble with greatly. I am learning slowly but surely, through the grace of God.

    Thank you, Wendy, for your encouraging words, both on your blog and on my blog posts. You are such a sweet woman!

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