Love and Marriage: Character Qualities of a Future Daughter-in-Law?

I read somewhere once that it’s a good idea to write down a list of the characteristics that you want to be present in the girl/guy that your child will marry someday, when it’s still a long, long ways off, and you can be objective. It’s important to use Scripture as your guide, as well as prayer.  So, when he was a little boy (smile) I did this (he is now 24). I made a list of the character qualities in a wife for Dane.  There are no Scripture verses written down, and there are items that only reflect my son’s interests and personality, but otherwise they are pretty good guidelines for preparing our daughter to be a good wife, too, and may also be helpful as characteristics that I should still aim for as a wife after all these years.
This is the first time anyone has ever seen this. I share it hesitantly, but in the hopes that it will encourage you young moms to be praying regularly for your children’s future spouses, and to make a list yourselves. Character is important, and if you’ve written character qualities down, and have been praying for the person displaying those qualities to come along for years, you’ll not only recognize those qualities in a person when you see them, but you’ll recognize when they’re missing, and not be so willing to settle, or compromise, and accept a person who lacks character.  You marry a family, not just a person, and emotions can sometimes cloud the perceptions of everyone and cause people to become enamored with someone who’s lacking what have always been considered essentials in character and circumstances.  Each person’s list will be different in some respects but, for a Christian, at the top of the list must be to marry a solid Christian, who is living for the Lord. So, here’s my list of:
Character Qualities of a Wife for Dane

  1.  Submissive (demonstrates this in her present home)
  2.  Respectful (demonstrates this in her present home)
  3.  Sweet and Gentle
  4.  Bright/Intelligent
  5.  Beautiful/Attractive
  6.  Disciplined/Self-controlled: in body, mind, and spirit
  7.  Well-ordered:  present near surroundings (such as her bedroom and desk) and in personal life
  8.  Good manager of money, time and home
  9.  Good sense of humor
  10. Active person:  Enjoys doing things, going places, being busy
  11. Skilled musician (loves music and plays at least one instrument)
  12. Loves History, interested in current events
  13. Completely sold-out to the Lord; knows and is a student of the Word; not a new Christian
  14. Using her gifts in some way:  fruitful
  15. Growing in the Lord:  Responding, Changing in response to the Holy Spirit and the Word of God
  16. Loves to read
  17. Discerning
  18. Wants however many children the Lord will give
  19. Committed to Staying Home and Being a Wife and Mother
  20. Not ambitious:  Content to Stay at Home, under authority, using her gifts to build up other families.  Not restless or rebellious–fighting her role
  21. Flexible
  22. Cheerful/Easy-going
  23. Loves to Travel
  24. From a solid, conservative, Godly family–Likeminded:  raising their children to go in the same direction and with same values as ours.
  25. Will raise daughters to wear dresses.
  26. Is Modest
  27. Not flirtatious
  28. Treats her Dad with respect, and serves him.
  29. Great relationships with siblings.
  30. Is Kind in Tongue
  31. Not an angry woman
  32. Compassionate, Generous, Giving
  33. Will reach out her hand to the needy
  34. Skilled in wifely duties
  35. Comes from a family that we respect
  36. If she would become “just like her mother/father”, it’d be fine.
  37. We have a good relationship with her, and love her.
  38. Is a people-person
  39. Personable; confident/polite in social settings; Poised
  40. Given to Hospitality.  Able, having helped her mom in this area for a long time–a good cook.
  41. Hard worker; self-motivated
  42. Creative/Resourceful

11 Replies to “Love and Marriage: Character Qualities of a Future Daughter-in-Law?”

  1. Hi Mrs. Gunn,
    Thank you for the encouraging note back. I do commit to praying all the more with you. It's true that the battle is far from over, but isn't it such a comfort…the hope we have in the Lord Jesus? I can't imagine life without it. Enjoy, your Sunday rest with your dear ones.

    Warmly,
    Christina

  2. Christina, dear, thank you for all the wonderful notes. You are a sweety. Your prayers for your children make a diference that is so deep and important! Don't ever stop! You are an example to me tonight–I need to pray for my children more faithfully–the battle is not over! Chris K. said that having a married daughter has only caused her prayer life for her daughter to go to a higher level (the next level). So, as long as we are a mother, we will pray–will you commit with me to doing that? Love you, dearie–keep pressing on, and keeping your eyes on the Lord! He is faithful.
    Blessings,
    Wendy

  3. Did I tell you, Ria, where America's Harvest is? It's off of 694 and Boone, in the Northland Inn. We have a Pinnacle card, which gives us discounts, or we wouldn't probably be going there–it is lovely and the food is wonderful! (but it is a little spendy:)
    Blessings,
    Wendy

  4. Shell,
    You wouldn't lose this list, probably, if you were praying over it everyday. Also, I keep really important papers either in my notebook or my Bible.
    Oh, I need to pray more diligently for my children, in all areas (and my husband!).
    Blessings, and thanks for the comment!
    Wendy

  5. Hi Wendy,
    It's so refreshing to see others praying for their children long before they are to that stage of life. When my oldest was 4 God really impressed upon my heart to be praying for our childrens spouses. I have everyday since. I just trust that will make a difference when the time comes which will be all too quickly. I LOVE your list!!!!

    Love and Prayers,

    Christina F.

  6. What a sweet idea! I would probably lose my list.

    That is quite the list, though! It would be so nice if he could find someone who had even some of those qualities!

    Stopping by to welcome you to SITS!

  7. Lisa,
    You are way, way too generous in your assessment! I am still so far from matching up to this list, unfortunately. But I pray for my son to get a better wife than his mother has been:) I wasn't raised as a Christian, for one thing. I didn't come from a Christian family. Before I married, I didn't care about being a stay-at-home wife, or developing skills that would help me to be a good help meet. So, I had to start from scratch, after marriage, as a new Christian, and not knowing how to cook, or keep a house, really, and having very worldly habits and thinking for the Lord to change. I was so immature, as well. I pray for my children to start way further ahead than we did in building a Godly marriage and home. Thanks, though, for your kind comment, and thank you for your praise of our daughter, too.
    Blessings,
    Wendy

  8. Ria,
    Yes, it is quite a list! That's why it's so important to write it when your children are young:) because as they get older, you start to second-guess, and whittle away at the list, thinking it's too “stringent”! But it's not. Of course, I don't expect the poor girl to be perfect. There are varying degrees in a lot of these qualities, and also, many of them represent interests and skills of Dane's, like the musical talent and interest in current events. We will also trust that the Lord will give him, and us, peace and wisdom that *this girl* is *the one* when the time comes, though she may not match exactly my lengthy list:)! But, the Lord has, on more than one occasion, confirmed His choice in important decisions, by answering the “little” details of my prayers. I wouldn't be surprised to find that the girl possessed every one of these, because that's just the wonderful way my Lord is!
    Blessings,
    Wendy

  9. So…what I understand is that you want your son to *marry a girl just like the girl that married his dear dad?!**
    Also, I think it's neat that you have trained your daughter *K* to BE that kind of woman for her future mother-in-law….:)

  10. WOAH! That is QUITE the list. I wonder if my Mother-in-law had a list like that?? I love that you are praying and beleiving for your children 🙂

    Thanks for the comment — I was not at America's Harvest's this weekend. Where is that? I sure wish I was so I could have met you? I love seeing people pray too, we love to pray and display that diligent act in restaurants!

    🙂 Have a great Monday!

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