The Distracted Dawdling Dreamer (Part 2)

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The (in)courage giveaway will be coming! Due to issues with my blog and circumstances beyond my control, I’m not able to post it now, as earlier promised, but I will as soon as it’s possible! I appreciate your patience and understanding:)

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horse
Yesterday I shared with you about our Distracted Dawdling Dreamer, and the Awesome Accomplished Achiever she has become, and asked these questions at the end:

What Changed

Did it just happen?  Did it happen overnight?   What were things that we, as parents, did to help and train her?  What were some keys that unlocked her motivation, and helped her develop discipline.  What changed our distracted dawdler, who had difficulty finishing anything, into an Awesome Accomplished Achiever, who is a motivated leader and finisher of tasks?

Read The Distracted Dawdling Dreamer (Part 1)

This isn’t an exhaustive list, or the only way.  Picture me, just another mom, sitting on the sofa next to you, with our coffee in hand, (and our chocolates on the table:) talking about what helped with our daughter.

May I give you some hope?  Some suggestions?

  • Keep on.  Keep on.  Keep on. And Don’t give up.
  • Surround her with structure, and give a foundation of discipline on which she can build her house of creativity.
  • Continue to be an example to follow.
  • Do not grow weary in well-doing.  Don’t explode, say angry words, vent your frustration, or rail on her.
  • Love her:  1 Corinthians 13 says, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind…Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”  Have the vision to believe in what she will become.
  • Give her bits, and little bits more, to accomplish, and praise completion.
  • Memorize appropriate Scripture with her.
  • Praise improvement, don’t expect perfection.
  • Don’t overwhelm her with instructions.
  • Find her best method of learning–her learning style–and use it to motivate and communicate with her; to teach her truth, and, if you’re Homeschooling, to help her with her schooling. (We had an auditory learner who loved music:  her learning style was to be less distracted if there was music playing in the background while she worked or studied.)
  • Allow her to use her creativity when possible; don’t squash her ideas because they’re different than the way you think or would do it.
  • Read God’s Word, listen to classical music, give her piano lessons, (these are the best for training the mind to think in an orderly manner).
  • Help her by showing her how to put things in order.  Demonstrate, teach, train, show her how it will benefit her.  (Kelsey enjoyed receiving letters and saved them:  keeping them orderly meant that I would allow her to keep them and she could find the one she wanted.)
  • Surround her with companions who are excellent workers, and teach her how to do well the things you expect her to do.  Do not think anything “should be obvious to her.”  For instance, if she is responsible for helping clean up the kitchen, make a list of everything she is expected to do in order to be “done.”  Then show her how to do the job, and retrain when the level of excellence falls.  Inspect what you expect.  (Again, here is a time when our daughter did better work if there was cheerful music playing.)
  • Never assume.  She honestly doesn’t know how and she really did forget.
  • Pray, pray, pray some more.  Be on your knees for her (and for all your children).
  • Expect God to do a mighty work in her (and in all your children).  Expect the best, and verbally bless her with predictions of good things for her future.  (Be honest.  When she wanted to tell our little neighbor boy about the Lord, I told her that God was going to use her desire to tell others about Him in a mighty way in her life, and that He had made her just the way she was and He was so pleased with her.)
  • When you have trouble loving her, ask God to love her through you, and to show you how best to teach and train her.
  • Value her spiritual maturity, wisdom and love for the Lord more than her organization, academic excellence or ability to complete a task. Wisdom is the principal thing.
  • Do not be selfishly thinking about how she has embarrassed you, or will.  This is not about you.  Expect the best, remember the work is a “work in progress,” so don’t make any final judgments–she’s a little girl.  Don’t ever predict failure for her, or tell her that she will “never” do, or be, or be able to ___.
  • Picture success, accomplishment, and a bright future for her in word pictures.
  • Make analogies to what she is interested in.

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Our daughter loved horses.  When she was 10-13 years of age, she was able to attend a Horse Day camp.  When she would have difficulty with a horse, often there was a “teaching opportunity” about character.  She was able to come up with the lesson herself.  All I had to do was ask appropriate questions, and show her the analogy between the horse and herself.


God created her with specific strengths and a particular personality, but He intended her to have her impulses to run, her natural bent and desires “reined in,” and for her to be under the authority of her parents and God.


If a horse does not allow its strength and power to be controlled and directed, it will not be useful for any good thing.  It is beautiful.  It may have phenomenal abilities (it may be able to run like the wind).  But, it must be willing to receive a bit and bridle, and follow the guidance and direction it receives through the slightest movement of its Master.  A great horse does not decide for itself what it will do, but it is obedient to the wishes of its Master.  Like that beautiful creature, she would learn that obedience and submission were the keys to a wonderful relationship and usefulness for accomplishing the purposes of its Master.

“Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof; and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.”
Ecclesiastes 7:8

What was our daughter like at different ages and stages?
How did we work with her and what worked?
Come back tomorrow to find out.
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5 Replies to “The Distracted Dawdling Dreamer (Part 2)”

  1. Hi Wendy,
    Unfortunately I have no choice but to work full day. In her case homeschooling could have been the sollution. Furthermore she is one of twins (a brother) and there is a 4 yr old sister as well, so perhaps just a bit too much for me to handle.

    I was sent to an academic public school wich was the wrong choice as I am extremely creative in all departments. I don’t want to make the same mistakes with my children. Especially with my 6yr old girl which seems so gifted, creatively and so very attuned to nature.

    Yip, the Lord will have to guide me through this one 🙂

    I will be following your blog! Your words have a calming effect on me inbetween this crazy rat race we live in 🙂

    Take care.
    hannelie

    1. Hannelie,
      The good news is that when we throw ourselves upon the Lord, knowing we have nothing in ourselves that can help us, that is just the perfect place that God can do His mighty work in us and our situation! God is powerful and mighty. He promises to give us wisdom when we ask believing (James 1). Thanks for sharing! Let me know how you and your daughter are doing, ok? Oh, and one more thing. It is important to not give your daughter the impression that she should be a martyr because of “how awful everything is,” or that she has a bad situation. Encourage her to be grateful, to see God at work in her life. Teach her obedience to you, because for creativity to flourish, she must be under God’s authority, and trusting Him, and you are the authority that God has placed over her. Be an example of trusting God and of joy.
      I am praying for you!
      Blessings,
      Wendy

  2. Hi Wendy,
    Unfortunately I have no choice but to work full day. In her case homeschooling could have been the sollution. Furthermore she is one of twins (a brother) and there is a 4 yr old sister as well, so perhaps just a bit too much for me to handle.

    I was sent to an academic public school wich was the wrong choice as I am extremely creative in all departments. I don’t want to make the same mistakes with my children. Especially with my 6yr old girl which seems so gifted, creatively and so very attuned to nature.

    Yip, the Lord will have to guide me through this one 🙂

    I will be following your blog! Your word has a calming effect on me inbetween this crazy rat race we live in 🙂

    Take care.
    hannelie

  3. Hi, thank you for this beautiful peace. My daughter is 6yrs old and a real dreamer! She is such a friendly litle girl and very creative. She also has an incredible (almost abnormal!) way with animals – has been riding horses for the last year and half. I know she is a very special little girl who will achieve a lot one day. To get her through the normal school system is going to take some energy though :-).
    Thank you for the tips.
    hxx

    1. Hannelie,
      Thank you for your comment. Your daughter sounds a lot like mine at that age. Have you thought about Homeschooling? I appreciate your dedication to the energy it will take to raise her well. It may take less energy and be more successful if you are able to Homeschool her. But, in any case, the Lord will help you, I know, as you go to Him for guidance and help.
      Bless you!
      Wendy

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