We women are so easily deceived.
We need our husbands because they see a bigger picture.
We need our Heavenly Father because He sees the WHOLE picture.
Do not let life just happen. Live intentionally. But live submitted to the husband who is the tool in God’s Hand to direct and lead you and your family.
I want to talk to one particular kind of woman out there today.
You don’t openly lead. You aren’t the loud type. You may say very little, in fact. You’re devoted to your husband and children. You are excessively good at what you do: whether it be organizing your home, or making your family feel loved, or being the best cook in the world. Whatever your husband’s love language is, you speak it fluently! You’re committed to excellence in everything you do. You give 200% and you’re absolutely consistent. This is who you are and who you’ve always been. No surprises. You’re busy, always in charge, taking care of your home and family.
You give of yourself to your family every day and are trying to serve the Lord and love Him with all that you’ve got. Though you don’t feel that you are doing anything exceptional, and you just believe this is what a wife should do, and you don’t think you are doing very well sometimes…
your high standards and unwavering determination to accomplish all you’ve laid out for yourself and your family…
Your performance, your example, your lifestyle and your achievements are, well…
making it impossible for your husband to lead. (Unless he is an extremely forceful, and dominant personality.)
You don’t even know that you’re manipulating him. You don’t mean to run everything. You don’t know that sometimes this is the hardest situation for a husband to lead in.
Most men can’t overcome this, nor understand it, because you’re not doing anything that they can criticize! Your every goal is to make a wonderful home for your family! You want to please him. He would have a difficult time explaining or even understanding the frustration he feels at times.
Your husband doesn’t have a lot of confidence in his own ability and he doesn’t want to fail or look bad. He’d like to try some things, but you have everything running so smoothly. (And you’re not about to experiment with his hairbrained ideas!) He sees some areas of discipline needed with the children, but you’re the one they’re closest to. He’s become more and more tentative about making suggestions. He asks you, defers to your schedule, your judgment, checks with you, supports your decisions.
The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is Head of the Church. The wife must continually ask for, and follow, her husband’s leadership. You must encourage the slightest inclination on his part.
Be flexible. Be checking with him. Don’t decide everything and run your home. Maybe he does like you to do things, but ask him for advice, for direction. Turn the hearts of the children to their father. Expect God to lead through him. Stop assuming, and planning, and doing everything.
How can he suggest a new direction, a different way, a dream or a wish, a feeling that the Lord is leading him somewhere, to do or be something–different?
You don’t argue, or fight him. No.
But he knows when you’re not happy. Recognize that you are manipulating your husband. And there’s a tension in the air and you sometimes pull away in some indescribable way and well, he wants you to be happy. So, little by little, your example (which he’s sure he could never match) and your steady faithful carrying out of your efficient “plan” becomes the way it is in your family, and he knows that it will never change. But, he’s taken care of, and who doesn’t like to be served? (Do you do those things for him because you love him, or to butter him up?) And your ideas are good ones, and you are so gifted. (If he hasn’t been giving his ideas, then don’t be leading with yours).
And your quiet word that “the children need to get to bed” or “we have to get this done now” is all the directing of his life that it takes. (Is he having a good time? Do you have to leave the gathering? Will the children turn into pumpkins if their bedtime is a little late? Who is in charge?)
What can he do? You’re not being unreasonable, you’re not yelling, or insisting. He will look like the bad guy if he insists on his own way. So, even though this once, he would like for you to stay a little longer at the event, or do this instead of that, or maybe follow the dream the Lord has placed on his heart, he knows there’s no way…
He may not even know what he would do if he could lead–but as the days go by, the inclination to try dissolves, the desire to lead is buried, and your family life is pleasant enough, and he never attempts leading anymore, because you have everything running like a well-oiled machine.
It’s been a good life, but Who knows what God could have done if He’d been allowed to lead through your husband.