Training Sons to Be Confident and Decisive (Series: Part 1)

The Crisis Today of Indecisive Men

We have a crisis in our day of men who are unable or unwilling to make decisions, take charge, become responsible, and move forward in their lives with faith, confidence and courage.  We women are much to blame for this.  We bemoan the fact that our husbands don’t lead while making it virtually impossible for them to do so.  And, we are raising up sons who will follow in those footsteps, feeling inferior, incapable, fearful of failure, taking the safe path of least resistance, and following and relying on the women in their lives to tell them what to do.

This is not God’s way, and deep in our hearts, we as women don’t really want this, but by habit and fear, we perpetuate it.  And Satan is happy about that.

My Upcoming Series on:

Training Sons to Be Confident and Decisive

Focusing on helping you to help the next generation of boys become confident, decisive men, today I am beginning a series on this subject, which will appear here on Tuesdays.  I hope this series will be a help to you!  Let me know your questions on this subject and I’ll try to answer them!

I have noticed that there are certain Mom personalities (mine would be one) that discourage sons from speaking up and being decisive.  I’m grateful that God has helped my 26-year-old son to become a confident, decisive man.  I learned the hard way what doesn’t work and many of the lessons I’m passing on to you are from my own mistakes.

God has been really gracious to me.  I’m proud of my son’s ability to articulate his beliefs, opinions and convictions, even in the face of opposition.  He shows initiative, courage and boldness, and I’m pleased, when I see him build his business by knocking on the doors of complete strangers offering free estimates to potential window-washing clients.  (Besides working a full-time job, he owns a window-cleaning business which he started while in his teens.)

The time my son is most quiet? When I’m doing all the talking!  I’ve still got a few things to learn.

Mom-types that Discourage Decisiveness

If you’re talkative, capable, organized, and/or a take charge, get-things-done kind of mom, your son (and husband) may rely on you to do everything for them.  If you are a server at heart who lovingly takes care of your family’s every need, a “meeting the needs of my family” kind of woman, you also may find your man and boys letting you take care of more and more, including making all their decisions and speaking for them.  That doesn’t mean these are all bad qualities, but there are some things I would recommend to counteract this from becoming a problem, at least in your son’s life.

Tips to Help your Son Come out of his Shell and Communicate more

  • Try being quieter. Let him talk.
  • Ask one question at a time, and then give time for an answer.
  • Ask questions that can’t be answered with a “yes” or “no.”
  • Observe what your son likes, and ask about that. Observe him to see what his gifts are and give him opportunities to use and develop them.
  • Give him jobs/chores to do from the time he can walk, and praise him for trying and improving, not being perfect.
  • Encourage his manliness, and let him try and fail, and play and get hurt (within reason), without whisking him out of harm’s way, or making a big fuss at little owies. Dust him off, and tell him, “You’re alright.”  And let him go right back at it.
  • When he’s playing, such as building with Legos, ask him to tell you about his creation, and then LISTEN attentively!
  • Be enthusiastic and excited about what he’s excited about.
  • Watch what makes his eyes light up! Let him talk about it.
  • Practice more shoulder-to-shoulder time. Be with him side by side doing something together, rather than looking him in the eye, and just spend time together.  If talking happens, fine. If not, fine.

To help your son become more decisive:

  • Let your little boy make small choices every day, from a very early age.  For example, let him choose from two or three acceptable options what to wear each day (also: toys to play with, books to read, what to do first, when to do something, foods to eat).  It isn’t advisable to let your child make all his own decisions, so don’t go to the other extreme.  Please, when you’ve given him a choice, don’t ever belittle the choice he makes.
  • When your child performs a task that he is learning to do–an example would be making his bed–don’t redo it because he didn’t do it perfectly. You will discourage him from even trying.
  • Ask him about his favorite things, and what he likes about them.
  • Whenever possible, agree with him, and affirm him in his choices.
  • Smile at him.
  • Practice saying, “I agree with you.” “I like that, too.”  “That’s a great idea!”  “You made a good choice.”
  • Don’t be reactionary or negative when he makes a decision or comes up with a new idea.  Try to be positive, and if his idea isn’t feasible, calmly explain why, and if your “no” is more about timing, try to implement his idea another time soon.

Look for Part 2 of Training Sons to Be Confident and Decisive next Tuesday!

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2 Replies to “Training Sons to Be Confident and Decisive (Series: Part 1)”

  1. Dear Wendy,
    I am so glad you are back. This is going to be a very encouraging series. I am the talkative type and God has been leading me to ask more questions and to be quiet
    when one of my sons or my husband are speaking.
    Thank-you for the encouragement. I am always amazed when God reveals to me that He is working on the same area in another believer’s life at the same time. I know that I shouldn’t be surprised, but then I realize that the enemy wants me to believe the lie that no one else has the same problems. God is so loving and caring to us. He knows what we need and supplies us with what we need at just the right time to lift us up. Praise the Lord!

  2. I’m looking forward to this series, Wendy! You gave some great tips – I think i have both of those mom qualities and I can see truth is some of your suggestions to step back. You’ve given me some things to think and pray on. Love you!

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